State of the Church

So, I have been thinking of the state of the North American church lately(today). This being a generalization of the mainstream church. I am not trying to lump everyone together, but I encourage you to consider what I have to say even though it is not nice and contrarian. I know my opinion is not immediately supported by facts and statistics...it's a goddam opinion.

I have been thinking of how much of the Christian subculture bothers me. The christianese, the fakery, the hypocrisy, the discontent, all the lying to ourselves. And while it's not a new or even substantial revelation, it is a huge 'duh' statement that we should let smack us upside the head. WE ARE MATERIALISTIC.

We have let the secular culture infiltrate us to the point we don't even see the problem with it. I'm not talking about health and wealth and all that crap, but rather basic day to day, keeping up with the Jones'. Looking at how we live, it seems to me that Christians by and large are not aware of how different they are meant to be. I don't think we'd know what true Christianity would look like because we have been so inundated with a warped mini-culture that draws more from Andy Warhol than it does Andrew the Apostle. Because America has been on top for so long (we're not anymore btw), we have 'safely' assumed that Christianity in North America must also be on top, and therefore best. News flash for the ignorant. We have not been the main exporter of missionaries in the world for some time now, maybe even as far back as the 60s (not sure when that changed). Today church growth within America is almost predominantly recognized as transfer growth, with conversions suffering like a cancer patient. There's hope, but they look like hell. The concept that 'West is Best' has been more than debunked in mainstream culture - it has been shunned by a large portion of people. Yet, we in the Church love to act as though we have the corner on 'right' Christianity. We'll never say this out loud, but the attitude I pick up is that 'We'll let them have Christianity in their culture's way, but honestly, our way is better.' Why? "Because America kicks ass. No ifs ands or buts" God forbid we should learn from any of those around us. The arrogance that has become a mainstay in cultural America (go freedom fries!) has filtered into the Church and colored how we try to reach those around us.

It's not that this is abnormal. I'm sure every generation and every culture has had their problems bucking the culture they were in and standing apart. Look at Corinth for crying out loud. It is an uphill battle to be sure. But, once we've had the revelation that our country's culture has so clearly infiltrated our ecclesial culture, don't we have an obligation to do something about it? Shouldn't we be desperate to have the Holy Spirit transform us into a family, a community that is counter culture, opposite culture, whatever, that it can't help but love us and hate us at the same time? What if we actually were a light instead of a shadow to the point that people began to persecute us because we were different and they didn't know what to do with us? Honestly, I've never heard of that in America. But I'd like to. It would be nice to see the government scratching their heads because a large group of people are transforming their cities, and the government can't control it for once. It would be nice to see the alienated and alone coming to church because it feels like home instead of flipping them off for the judging looks that cascade at them.

It seems to me that the Nature of God is truly the opposite of the fallen world we live in. We should be ashamed that we, as a large portion of the North American church, have so closely associated our culture and economic prosperity with the correctness and 'better-ness' of our way of doing Church. I think we should make a diligent effort to let the Holy Spirit completely rework how we consider Church and Christ's Body, and beg it to change us. I've seen this in some communities, in some areas, in some people, and I applaud them for it. For those being faithful in their daily walks, great. But if we have any intention of furthering the glory of God, shouldn't we try to stand out just a bit more?

Ethics

So, while ethics is an in-vogue topic that is about as miry as and articulate as a discussion of post-modernity, I have found myself wondering about it lately. It began with a discussion on piracy I was having with a friend. They were not against piracy per se, but more with the justification that some people(i.e. me)use to defend it. I won't defend piracy. I know it's wrong, I know it's stealing. I also laugh at all the ridiculous anti-piracy ads that the self-righteous pricks in LA love to smother us with. The line of thinking with which I have justified what piracy I have committed is this: "Yes I'm stealing, but I'm stealing from thieves, so it's ok."

This thinking didn't even really bother them, as much as that I applied this logic inconsistently. I don't allow for robbery or stealing in other contexts, just this one. I consider myself to be 'moral' and 'ethical' but I make an exception for media piracy. If there is a single exception - can I even be said to hold myself to a moral and ethical standard that does not allow for thievery? Today it may be Meshuggah albums, but down the road it's...marital infidelity? no big deal.

This was again brought up when I got in an accident earlier this week. The other driver was clearly at fault, so I know that I have a check coming from the insurance company. I immediately began to think of ways that I could bilk the insurance company out of money, because, 'hey, they're thieves too. I'll strike back for the common man and profit out of it.' My co-workers encouraged me in this. 'They (insurance) screw everyone, may as well milk it for what it's worth. Get as much as you can. Screw em!'

The more I have thought about it though, the more I'm thinking this is not an acceptable path. Yes, they're thieves. Yes, they steal from people, legally of course. They penalize people for things that are not necessarily their fault. They are the closest things to hell's minions besides RIAA and MPAA lackeys. BUT - just because they do wrong does not mean that I am justified in it too. Yes, they do wrong, but why should I sink to their level to get back at them? It seems that I as a Christian am not held to a comparative level of morality and ethics, but to one defined by perfect Justice, and perfect Truth - the nature of God. Any blemish is a violation of such Justice, no matter how small.

On the other hand. The company is willing to hand out money because that's how they make more. It's just part of the system. It's not perfect, but it's what we've got. So what if I manage to get some more money out of a company legitimately? Not even just legally, but ethically too. They're willing to give it, so why shouldn't I take it?

So, this is what I've been wrestling with lately. I honestly don't have answers. I would like to say that I'm going to take the high ground, and I want to, but given my previous record, I can either do what I've done before, or take the inimitable and painstaking step to turn over a new leaf of re-defining my ethics. Now if you'll excuse me, Limewire is beeping at me.

The faithfulness of a lie

So, I caught myself pondering earlier, and the subject being faithfulness. or rather, perceived faithfulness. We're taught all our lives that certain things are true and faithful. Hot dogs contain no actual meat. America leads the free world. Alaska is cold. The Sahara is big. Tariffs only half-protect domestic production but hurt the overall economy in the long run. These are all things we are expected to believe, and for the most part, are generally true.

But, what about truths we're taught that turn out not to be true? What about things we've been taught are lies that end up closer to true than we'd like to believe? I'm not talking about beliefs that can be re-defined based on personal experience. (It's well-established rumor that Catholic school makes for angry dissidents etc. Maynard?) But I'm talking about big things, that society as a whole would shudder at. For instance, what if evolution is false? I know that Christians everywhere disagree with evolution and that it is an incredibly contentious arena where religion is concerned, but society as a whole has learned to disregard them (religious peoples) and move on. Literature accepts it as fact. Science accepts it as fact. Politics accepts it, unless it can be fomented into an argument that will extend their influence or term period. What if, in say, 15 years, evolution is proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, with reason, rational thinking, and logic, to be utterly false. How would society move on? How could everyone cope? We couldn't. What happens when the lie is so big it could stop the world from spinning...duh duh duh.

I'm not trying to pick on evolution but for an obvious and easy example. It just makes me wonder what we all believe, regardless of creed and color, that is a lie. What history may look back on, and say "How were they so deceived? What simpletons." What if everything we know is a lie? cliche argument yes, and while being a conspiracy nut is fun, it's hardly productive (discourages long term relationships, for the record). I'm not trying to make a point, just wondering aloud in binary, what's a lie? what's truth? what if the homeless are the real winners? what if...? hmmmm.

A Random Conversation

So, I had a random conversation with this guy the other day. In fact, it was not just random, it was quite intentional. The guy happened to be Tobymac. I am not a huge Tobymac fan, as I prefer metal/metalcore/post-core/screamo/etc. I have seen him several times in concert, and despite being completely not in my genre, he puts on a very good show.

I ran into him (or rather, his entourage) in Nashville as I got stuck behind them boarding a plane for Dallas. (all the cool kids go to Texas, didn't ya know?) I asked them what band they were with, because they took forever to check in, and they said 'Tobymac.' I was like, oh. how about that. At least I recognize the name/artist.

Then a thought hatched itself in my mind. I could hunt him down and ask him about his thoughts on my opinions on the Christian music scene. Oh yah. Score. I had no illusions about one-upping him or putting him in his place as arguably one of the most popular and recognizable Christian music celebrities. I just wanted to hear what he thought.

I managed to catch him in the terminal at Dallas. I introduced myself and asked if I could ask him just one question. "It's my perception that Christian music copies mainstream secular music, and that there is little creativity in this sub-industry. As someone who is in the thick of this, do you think that this is accurate, and what do you think about it. Alternatively, do you think anything can be done?"

His answer genuinely surprised me. His answer was basically that that is a really cheap pot shot at Christian artists. He pointed out that secular mainstream copies itself so many times over, that it is small wonder that the Christian sub-industry does the same. It's easy to look at Christians and blame them as copycats (which I have done for years), but no one blames secular artists who do the same. The whole conversation didn't last more than 5-10 minutes as we were figuring out which gates we needed to head to, but he was very straightforward, very genuine, very down to earth, and very real. I was very impressed. Someone in his position could totally have lit into me and eviscerated me on multiple levels (a non-musician metalhead proclaiming originality and creativity?) but he didn't. He took it in stride, and I was impressed. I realize he probably gets this kind of crap often, but his demeanor was admirable.

As I was processing his answer, I realized he's absolutely right. I myself maintain that Christian music is merely a genre, or a marketing strategy employed to sucker nice gullible people out of their money under the guise of religious betterment, so why couldn't I appreciate the simple truth of what he said before? I rag on pop and hip hop regardless of whether it's Xian or secular because I don't like the genres, and despise country out and out because...it's freakin' country. bleh. So, why was I surprised by his answer? I'm not sure, but it's food for thought. And the final thought is: Celebrate and enjoy art because it's good art, not because you perceive that it aligns with your opinions.

Too Many Thoughts

So, because I have so much stuff going on in my head, it is time for some digital vomit. Aren't you glad you started reading this? In short order, here is some stream of consciousness.

Charlie Huston has the most incendiary and awesome dialogue I have read in a long long time. If you can handle or like gratuitous and gross things that most Christians and many nice respectable people cannot, read "the Mystic Arts of Erasing All Signs of Death." It's amazing, and a must-read.

I got stopped by a cop the other day(night). This was after the family reunion I went too, and after I'd been hanging out with cousins watching Napoleon Dynamite. It's always fun describing how that is really how Idaho looks (that part at least), and that I have friends from that area...it's a rich life. She (cop-ette?) pulls me over for having a brake light out. sees my insurance is expired. smells alcohol on my breath (I stopped drinking two hours previous, but considering I started nine hours earlier...), sees (unopened) beer in the backseat. I don't know what it was, but she believes me when I tell her I have my new insurance card in Portland (true) (this is 300 miles north near Canada, btw), believes me that I am taking the next left up ahead for my uncle's house (true) and that I didn't know my brake light was out (sort of true?) SHE LETS ME GO WITHOUT EVEN A WARNING. That is the grace of God right there. Any other city besides Oak Harbor where nothing happens, and I'd have been in jail before I could burp up some carbonation. (I'm fairly certain I would have passed any field sobriety test, include breathalizer, but still, they'll hit you with DUI for almost anything.

I need a new car. badly. The current one, you can hear three blocks away like it's about to disintegrate. Struts need replaced, brakes need replaced, suspension needs replaced, CV joints need fixed. Engine block leaks like the Iraqi border, the wiper fluid doesn't squirt, the AC stopped working (bad time, may I mention?), etc etc. Oh, and the tabs expire in two days. So, a new car is wanted, very badly. I have a loan approved, I just need to find something. help?

and the internet does get to know more about me, as I know it doesn't care for me, even though it tells me otherwise.

It feels good to get out of Portland for a bit, only to escape the heat. *insert panting here*

Goals

So, I've been thinking about purpose and goals recently. I never jumped on board with the whole Purpose-Driven anything band-wagon, as I've never felt the need, and always felt like I had a good grasp on why we are here. (It's to go hiking, btw) But I was presented this week with some food for thought that I have been slowly chewing, and will continue to chew on for yet a while longer.

The context is that this past week, I spent three days at a seminar for work where the entire office took off to a retreat/spa-thing in the Gorge to discuss teamwork etc. I'll spare you the boring exercises and communication ordeals, but suffice to say, it was actually a lot more enjoyable than anticipated, and I think I've been spoiled for team-building conferences for a very long time due to the caliber of presenter that facilitated it. The focus at the end was on personal goal-setting. I drew to remembrance how goal-setting is what got me out of the hell-hole of Newberg, and that my goal-setting was seemingly divinely encouraged (I appreciate God's 2x4s) But once I got out of Newberg and into Portland, it seemed that I sort of stopped setting goals.

So, the question then becomes, 'What are my goals now?' And once again, I am drawn into my existential stalemate. Goals without the proper motivation are fruitless if pursuing the 'best', and I want to pursue the 'best' whatever that is. However, lacking proper motivation breeds indecision and stagnation, which is what I have sort of found myself gravitating towards. So, is any goal or purpose better than stagnation? Or is it worth it to try and construe proper motivation before commencing any long-term goal-setting?

The practical part of me just wants to set myself in motion, as motion is better than nothing, and course can be adjusted mid-flight. It is well-known you cannot adjust a non-moving entity to anything or anywhere easily. (Yay for inertia!)The logical, organized, and ultimately boring part of me wants to make sure all my ducks are in a row before I kill them and make soup. So, maybe I just need to be messy and run in one direction first, killing all the ducks I see, so that I may learn the best recipe. (for bad metaphors, as well as duck soup)

More Writing

For a long time, I have thought about, flirted with, and generally toyed with the idea of writing more. I'd like to, and then as soon as I actually do write something, all the doubt and loathing and second-guessing comes in etc. I think a good chunk of people know what I mean in regards to the creative process.

I currently have ideas/outlines/whatever for up to seven books, not all of them fiction. At any rate, this idea has resurfaced, not fiercly, but potently in recent weeks. I'm considering enrolling in a writing class in order to force myself to write, as I think inertia may be one of the main things holding me back. We'll see.

Recent Updates

So, It has been a while. What all has happened with me since September? I have bought more books. I have read some of them. I have thought much, and talked much. One thing that has happened has been a transition that in any other time frame would be full of drama, but as is, has happened very naturally. This would be the transition of one close friend out of my everyday life to another close friendship blossoming. It's not that one friend simply left and I found another, or that there was a fight, or conflict of any kind. Life takes us many different places, and it took a very close friend of mine around the world, out of frequent communication. This is a close friend whose opinion I value, whose friendship I appreciate, and one to whom I owe much more than I can admit, and hopefully will one day repay. It is odd when I think about it, as we spoke quite often, and shared in the daily drama of life etc etc, and now they are half-way around the world pursuing a wonderful vision with vigor and passion. It's strange to think that we've only said a few words to each other in almost three months.

And this leads me to another friend, one who is growing closer. I tried to help this friend through a difficult time in their life, and I'm not entirely sure how effective I have been. I listen more (at least I think I do) than I help, as I have realized how little I have to offer someone in their position. All the same, this friendship is growing, and while I am not entirely sure where it will lead me, it is a very pleasant friendship:)

I have had some very distressing revelations during this time, and one of those having to do with my previous post relating to emotion. Sometime in December, I realized that I have endangered this new friendship, and I endangered it awhile back before it even happened.

When my whole religious construct fell apart and I tried to move on, I came to a stand-still of sorts, and was at a complete loss for direction or a way forward. This in turn led to an existential phase. I don't feel the need to explain anything further than that, as I'm sure many of us as a generation have been and are there far too often. The point was that it inhibited forward progress. In my case - I grew more cynical and closed off emotionally blah blah blah. How this effected my friendships was that I began not to be able to take deeper matters seriously. Things of the soul, things of the heart - were lost on me, as a glib 'screw it' attitude took up residence inside my head. I realized this as I was trying to help this new friend and recognized that I could not care for their emotions, heart, or pain as they needed. It wasn't a 'I don't know what to do to help them' issue - it was a matter that we both knew that I could not treat their life, pain, drama, issues, etc with any empathy or compassion. Little by little, my choices had closed off the prospect of helping them.

I would like to say that I realized this, removed the bad, inserted good, moved on, and everyone lived existentially ever after, but I'm not convinced it's that straightforward. Pain is pain - and one cannot ignore it, lest it corrupt you. Pain, I think, must be healed before one can move on. Sure, life cannot stop while we self-indulge, and we must move on, but I'm not sure limping with scars is how we are meant to move on.

I'm not entirely how this functions with my slogan of "Shit happens. Bring a shovel." as I'm having mini-'Ah-ha!' moments as I'm writing this. Thoughts from the journey, I guess.

I take a strange comfort in the words of this song. I'm not sure why, as they seem to be more questions than answers, and more wondering than certainty:

Too Bright To See, Too Loud To Hear (Underoath - Lost in the Sound of Separation)

Good God, If your song leaves our lips/ if your work leaves our hands/ Then we will be wonders and vagabonds/ They will stare and say how empty we are/ How the freedom we had turned us up as dead men

Let us be cold and make us weak/let us, because we all have ears/let us, because we all have eyes

How they knew that this would happen/we're so run down/Good God can you still get us home.../how can we still get home/I'm not dreaming/We're forgetting our forgiveness.